Hmm... a lot of wolves there. "Why could that be??" you may find yourself asking. Well lucky for you, I will tell you. It is because wolves are awesome. That's a fact. Most people seem to be either dog or cat people, and yes, I know that's a gross over-generalization, but it just kind of works out that way. This can be extrapolated to a much grander and more epic scale. You're either a wolf person or you're a tiger person. Unfortunately, in this day and age, both of those animals are pretty much endangered, and that's pretty sad, cause I think they're both inarguably awesome. However, thanks to the wonders of the National Geographic Channel, I may have been converted fully to the wolf pack.
I just watched what happened to be a totally bitchin' documentary about a wolf. This wolf has a pretty unfortunate name. Black Wolf. Believe it or not, for the wolves living in Yellowstone, that's a hell of a lot more creative than most of their names ever get. However, living where he did and being a wolf meant Black Wolf was kind of a big deal. Almost all of these wolves have collars and are tracked and studied exhaustively, and Black Wolf was no exception. Early in his life, it became clear that he was no ordinary wolf, however, and they started filming his ass a lot. He lived almost double the life expectancy of other wolves in Yellowstone, fathered almost 30 cubs that survived to adulthood, killed literally hundreds of elk, caribou, and coyotes, and eventually became the alpha wolf of one of the largest packs in the vast park. And for most of his life, he actually lived as an outcast, a lone wolf never completely accepted into a pack. That's just epic. I mean, that's the kind of shit Disney might make an animated film about. It would probably suck and have way less violence and all that, but still, it's not a bad idea (note to self: market this before Disney can).
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| Look at this badass wolf just lookin' all majestic and awesome and... covered in blood. |
I don't know if you're aware of this, but I actually have a velvet painting of a wolf. Until now, I kept it just because it was kind of interesting and kitsch and was given to me, but all of the sudden, it just feels a little more awesome.
And speaking of awesome, let me show you another awesome thing that I have been made aware of.
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| What is this. I don't even. |
Boom. This thing. What the fuck is that about?? A friend showed this to me joking about how awesome it would be to get one for christmas. Personally, I laughed aloud. It's good for a joke, but that's about it. I don't like knit hats and I'm perfectly capable of growing an amazing beard without having to substitute a fake one to keep my face warm. This almost seems like a cop out. I am disappointed in you, world.
And speaking of things that disappoint me, let us address the subject of Four Loko.
Last night, I ventured to the gas station to acquire a fresh pack of cigarettes. Not an uncommon occurrence. However, on this particular evening, I got to feeling bold. I wanted a beverage. So I went to the back and there was the obvious answer, staring right the fuck back at me. Four Loko. 23.5 fluid ounces of hell. This is a beverage which has been outlawed in several states. They're trying to make it so you can't get this shit. I have literally heard nothing but negative comments about it, it's taste, and the things it does to the human body (unless you count "it'll get you drunk" as a positive comment). So my wallet $8 lighter, pack of Marlboros and Four Loko in hand, I triumphantly exit. After all I'd heard about the watermelon flavor, I opted for fruit punch, hoping it would be less offensive to my tongue.
I pop the top and take a nice, long swig, and... I don't see what all the fuss is about. It's not so bad. I take another slurp. Sure, it's not the best thing I've ever had, but I paid all of $2.34 for nearly 3 cups of this stuff. I mean, I did the math, one can of this stuff is like the equivalent of 6 glasses of wine and 2 red bulls. Literally. That is not an exaggeration. That simply cannot be good for you. Another couple of sips and suddenly, I'm not feeling it. I decided the taste could politely be described as "slightly off-tasting, possibly tainted, metallic Hawaiian Punch", but with an after taste of stale turpentine and iron shavings.
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| You stay classy America. |
Seriously though, don't bother. No, I don't think you're getting it. Don't drink Four Loko. Unless, you know, you're really cheap, your taste buds don't work, or you really want to get wasted. Though I was pleasantly surprised at the buzz I was able to catch from just one can, I wonder if it was really worth my dignity.
Anyway kiddos, it's bed time now. I've got shit to do tomorrow and I'm not sure how quickly internet will be up and running at the new place. Plus, I really don't even want to think about how tired and worn out I'm going to be in less than 24 hours time and I might not even want to blog again for a few days. This might suck a little bit.
EDIT: I bet that's the first time anyone has ever labeled a post with both Disney and Four Loko...
EDIT: I bet that's the first time anyone has ever labeled a post with both Disney and Four Loko...
